In Your Eyes
by annzter
Summary: After escaping Azkaban, Sirius Black is living with his long-time friend Remus Lupin, but Remus suspects Sirius may still have scars. How can he help? SiriusRemus, SLASH. Complete.


**In Your Eyes**

**Summary: **After escaping Azkaban, Sirius Black is living with his long-time friend Remus Lupin, but Remus suspects Sirius may still have scars. How can he help? Sirius/Remus, SLASH. Complete.

**Rating: **PG-13 for language and slash

**Pairing: **Sirius Black/Remus Lupin

**Disclaimer:** You think I own Harry Potter? Why don't you go take a nice, long nap and clear your head? Only the plot is mine. Also, please be aware that this story is SLASH. **Slash** means homosexual, gay, etc. If you don't like it, don't read it!

**Author's Note:** Well, here you go. I wasn't really sure about how this fic would turn out, because it's my first attempt at slash. A song by one of my favorite bands inspired it (you can read an excerpt below) and I just couldn't pass up the idea. I guess if you're going to flame me I can't really stop you; just keep in mind that it really won't have an effect on me. Enjoy the fic (hopefully) and REVIEW REVIEW REVIEW! ;)

_In your eyes I see a darkness that torments you_

_And in your head where it dwells_

_I'd give you my hand if you'd reach out and grab it_

_Lets walk away from this hell_

**_-The Juliana Theory – Into the Dark_**

**__**

**__**

All was quiet and Number Twelve Grimmauld Place. _Too quiet_, thought Remus Lupin. Of course, it wasn't as if he wasn't used to it. Living with Sirius Black was hardly a bag of goodies; after all, the man had spent twelve years in Azkaban. How could he possibly be normal? When Sirius had confessed (after much provocation from Remus) that he did want someone to live with him and keep him company, Remus had jumped to his assistance. It was the least he could do for his best friend for what seemed like forever. Perhaps he could help him forget his awful past, the things he had been through… he knew it would be hard, but with all his love for Sirius, Remus figured it was at least worth a try.

But lately, it had seemed that Sirius was beyond repair. He only put on a mask for Harry Potter, his godson. Remus supposed that Sirius felt he had to be Harry's rock. Even though he had expressed his desire for companionship, Sirius spent most of his time confined to his room, leaving only to eat meals and shower. The only time he interacted with Remus was when Remus brought him his coffee every day at exactly ten o'clock in the morning, and even then Sirius barely spoke. He flinched whenever Remus touched him. When asked if he needed anything, he merely shrugged and resumed staring out his window at the gloom below. It was breaking Remus's heart. He knew he had to do something… but what?

He could think of a few things, of course, but they weren't entirely appropriate. He still couldn't believe Sirius hadn't figured out that Remus loved him as more than a brother, but that was to be expected. And even if he _had_ noticed something, Sirius just wasn't the type of person to bring that sort of thing up, although Remus secretly wished he would.

He sighed deeply as the clock chimed ten o'clock. Time to bring Sirius his coffee.

Sirius stared gloomily out of his bedroom window, wondering how close it was to ten. He simply couldn't tell Remus to bring the coffee up earlier (Sirius hardly ever slept late, if at all); Remus needed his sleep. He could see the stress his condition was putting on his roommate, and in truth he didn't know why he was pushing Remus away. Perhaps it was fear. Fear of rejection. Fear of misunderstanding. Fear of… what was it that Sirius was afraid of? Why couldn't he simply tell Remus that there was a _reason_ he had asked him to stay with him? Sure, Azkaban had taken a deep chunk out of the happy part of his soul, put what he simply couldn't get over was the fact that the whole time he was there, his only happy thoughts had been about his best friend, Remus Lupin. He knew they had made him happy, but _how_? Why? When?

It was killing him not to just reach out and touch the man when he came to visit, and really, he wasn't sure why he didn't. Indeed, Sirius Black was a very confused soul.

_Knock knock!_ It was Remus with the coffee. Sirius turned around as he entered.

Remus smiled slightly as he handed him the coffee, sat on the bed, and gazed upon the man he loved. Sirius had washed and brushed his shaggy black hair, which came down just past his chin. Although he was thin, pale and had dark circles under his eyes, he still looked beautiful to Remus. _So beautiful,_ he thought.

Sirius muttered a 'thanks', turned back to the window, and raised the coffee to his lips. It was good, very good. He liked it strong, without much cream, and Remus knew. He always got it just right. Just as he was going for his second sip, he heard Remus's soft voice behind him.

"Paddy…"

Sirius froze and turned around slowly. Remus hadn't called him that in _years_. Suddenly old memories came flooding back into his head like he couldn't believe. His times with Moony, Wormtail (curse him!), and Prongs… his times as a _Marauder_. Merlin, he missed those times. Before he could reminisce for too long, Remus spoke again.

"What is the _matter_, Sirius? You say you want me to live with you _to keep you company_, but you push me away every time I come near you! What do you _want_ from me? I'm doing all I can! I can fucking _help_ you, you know!" There was a long, awkward pause. Upon seeing the expression Sirius's face had conformed to, Remus let out a breath he hadn't realized he had been holding. "Shit, Padfoot, I'm so sorry… that all came out wrong…"

But then, Sirius did something that nearly made Remus fall off the bed. He _smiled_, his first real smile in what seemed like an eternity.

"Near the full moon, Remmy?"

Remus was shocked. These were the most words Sirius had spoken to him at once in the last few months, and to be honest, he had missed it terribly. But what had brought about the change? He saw something flicker in Sirius's gray eyes, a telltale sign, but as soon as it appeared it was gone.

"Moony, _I'm_ the one that should be sorry. It's true, you've only been trying to help me, and I'm being a stubborn mule. I suppose I'm only scared…" he turned around to face the window again, and Remus moved closer.

"Scared of what, Paddy?" he whispered. Sirius didn't speak for so long that Remus was afraid he had pushed too far, crossed the line… but finally his voice came out, barely above a whisper.

"Falling in love with you." Remus gasped. His hopes, his dreams, his fears had all been relieved with that single sentence, practically the words Remus had been waiting to hear since the tender age of sixteen.

"Oh, Siri," he whispered, reaching out and touching the face of the man he loved so dearly, turning Sirius around to face him. "I've loved you for so long…" And he closed the distance between their lips, kissing his companion tenderly.

It was awhile before Sirius started to respond, and Remus suspected it was from years of keeping his feelings held in. He supposed that his long-time friend couldn't really believe that Remus felt the same way for him. He was having enough trouble with it himself. Finally, he felt Sirius start to kiss him back. His lips were soft, despite the scraggly appearance he had taken on lately. _I could stay like this forever,_ he thought.

When the kiss finally broke, it was Remus who spoke first.

"Is this right?"

"It feels right." Another pause.

"Is this what's been bothering you?" Remus asked.

"Partly," replied Sirius. "Azkaban… tears you apart. It's hell. And honestly, you were what got me through it, Moony. I only thought about you, and it helped like you wouldn't believe, which confused the hell out of me. I didn't know what I was feeling for you, because it had been so long… but when I finally saw you, all my feelings came rushing back. I love you, Moony. But there are still scars…"

Remus smiled at his lover, melting. "I can help you, you know. That's what I'm here for."

Sirius returned the grin. "I know, Moony, I know." And he leaned in for another tender kiss with his friend-turned-lover.


End file.
